so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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