Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I CAN MOONWALK!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
