Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
