sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
