in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
