Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
