i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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