We're facebook friends in real life
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
