dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
