why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
