You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
