it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
