my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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