the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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