we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
