He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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