I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
