i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
