dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
