Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
