i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
