pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
