he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
even my farts smell like vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
bring money and cleavage
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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