she kept yelling 'call me bella'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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