im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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