omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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