I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
