I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
