these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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