Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
