he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
