You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
