I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize