The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
