What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
