new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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