I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
