fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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