I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come share oat with me in your robe
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
