You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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