CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
