Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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