I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
