My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
