He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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