Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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