I have demons in me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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