Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
