I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
