mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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