I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
