wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
