Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
