I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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