U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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