did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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