I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found the puke drawer
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
