no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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