Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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