if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
