I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
